I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh