I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
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jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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