Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
