Please, let me fuck your mom
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
