i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
