I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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