We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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