Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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