Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
