No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
