Apparently you make a good broom.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
