my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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