In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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