I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
