Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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