some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this just has baby written all over it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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