my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
