Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
