I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
