I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
