Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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