I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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