I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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