I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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