Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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