Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
