I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
