party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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