I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
