I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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