Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
