he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
