we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
