dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
