Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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