this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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