I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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