Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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