it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
