Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
