I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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