Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You are the jesus of drinking
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
