So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
