the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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