I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
