i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
