Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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