chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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