Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
