I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
