ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Randomize
