yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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