I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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