ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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