ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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