apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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