My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
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I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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