You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
