I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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