nut hugger
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
