dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
