a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
