yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i dont even know how to be here
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
