I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
