I didn't shave. On purpose
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
