My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
