i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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