Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ketchup is God's man juice
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
