Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
