i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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