my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
