Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
