i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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