Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
