I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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