what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
