She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
