he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize