and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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